The DaAlCh show!
by DaAlCh
Summary: Can the cast of Eragon survive... me?
1. Episode I

I am back! OMFG! I have written a new comedy, after how many months?

Audience: 8.

You knew I was going to come back right?

Audience: Yes.

starts sweating You knew I was going to stop, that old one halfway in the middle gulps right?

Audience: Of course.

Now we have a HOLY MOTHER BLEEPING NEW FUNNY COMEDY OF… DOOOOOOMMMM! Made by yours truly.

Audience: Cool

We are going to have interviews with the cast of Eragon and other cool stuff on The DaAlCh show!

Audience: Horrrayyy.

Want me to shut up?

Audience: Yes.

Want me to get to the fic?

Audience: Yes.

Righty then, no point in doing tabs, They only move you up five steps!

………………………………...

Okay, I'll shut up.

Announcer: I finally have a job! Oh my god, the joy, I've been using drugs, for the last eight months, to keep myself from goin insa- oh, you want me to start the show? Okey Dokey! WE BRING YOU THE AMAZING NEW SHOW OF DAALCH'S, NO THIS IS NOT SELF ADVERTISING, THE DAALCH SHOW pause OF DOOMMMMMM! Man I really need some Ecstasy….

ahem Well, yes this is the DaAlCh, on the DaAlCh show, and well….. Umm….. I thought about calling this show DaAlchra. And… Ummmm…. Lets just start with our first guest…..

Mike: whispers to Seth I told you this wasn't going to work.

I thought we should start at the beginning and make some of the citizens from Carvahall join us today, and our first guest is pause Garrow, Dun Dunn Dunnnnnnnn!

Audience: gasps

Nick: Oh god….

Voice, of DOOM: CCOOFFFFFFFFEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!111

I see he has not gotten of his coffee fetish.

Garrow: walking on the stage Nah, I got over it.

Are you happy to be the first guest.

Garrow: Ya, I just have one little problem with your show.

Gasps and holds breath What is it?

Garrow: Two actually, One: Why the holy motha of BLEEPin don't you have any paragraphs? And, YOU ARE SO MELODRAMATIC, I MEAN NO ONE IS THAT MELODRAMATIC, EXCEPT IN COMMERCALS…

……………………………

Garrow: still yelling AND YOU STATE THE OBIVOUS AND ARE TO LASY TO USE THE PROPER WAY TO WRITE A FANFIC, AND YOU USE EVIL ELIPSES AND YOU DOON'T HAVE ANY FUING COFFEE YOU CKING SON OF A BIH, THIS SHOW IS WORSE THAN THE SHT THAT COMES FROM MY A! AND ANOTHER THING…

To make Garrow more calmer Garrow yells some more I decide to look at the audience, and make a paragraph, If Garrow goes on like this, we could have to rate this R, because of bad words, I mean eventually one will come out, and the censors will make a mistake, just like at the super bowl!

I also see that Garrow has not really gotten off of his coffee fetish, FORESHADOWING Any who, I think now would either be a good time to get this show rolling, after 500 words of mindless drivel, that I should burn in hell for because of making you wait so long, just like the editors of Titanic and LOTR! Get goin announcer! under breath Man, I really waste time don't I?

Whoknows3: YES!

And your not suppose to be here anyway, only the owners of this site.

Announcer: Finally, It is time for the main show!

Audience: Hurray!

Announcer: Here is your host, who is already on the stage, DaAlCh.

Audience: Booo!

Ouch. And here is our first guest, who is already on the stage, Garrow.

Garrow: You are still not using paragraphs.

MUST you criticize me?

Garrow: Yes.

Anyway first question, what was your death scene like?

Garrow: slow and painful.

I can imagine that, you were burnt by siethr oil, it owies you up good.

Garrow: No, not that, It was because I did not have any COFFEE! cries

I think it is time to go into paragraph form now…

Garrow: sniffles thanks.

So, Garrow was sitting there crying and I have a comforting look on my face and I pat his back, the audience looks touched 8you are going to hate for this aren't you and go awwwwww…. It is a tender, moment, of great love, and,

OKAY, I CAN'T WRITE THAT JUNK ANYMORE!

Garrow: It is okay, I reached my paragraph quota for the day.

Right, second question! How do you feel about Roran getting married to Katrina, and then moving off to Theirnsford and then getting a role in the next book?

Garrow: What do you mean, book? Is there a conspiracy going on…?

Uhhh…. No. Just a fan base.

Garrow: Hmmmmm…..

I think it is time to go to a commercial break…

Do you like Eragon!

Random Fan: Ya!

Do you like fan 2: Ya!

Well, guess what, on the fan fiction part of shurtugal, you can read all the back story to this very show!

Random fan 3: Really?

That is right, it is called Eragon, made by…. Yours truly.

All: Wow!

So remember, check out the best fan fic ever, and experience humor… of DOOM!

Chapter 15 is scheduled to release on June 18th!

COM----------------------

On the next episode, we get to tour Carvahall we get to visit some of the town,

DaAlCh: This is the most amazing view of Palancar valley EVER!

And meet its people

DaAlCh: So, are you gay?

Sloan: WHAT!

DaAlCh: uh-oh.

See the next installment of the show, coming to you on July 1st!1 or sooner, or later, or whatever.

COM----------------------

The wonderful taste of hazelnut coffee is astounding for people who just need that extra boost in the morning, we all know how it feels.

A man wakes up and walks downstairs to the smell of coffee, he sees his wife finishing making coffee, he joins her, takes a cup and sips then smiles at her. Then they kiss, the kids run up to meet them and then they all stand together, smiling at the camera.

Hazelnut coffee, true energy, true joy.

WHAT YOU DIDN'T SEE

The man goes downstairs and really needs to shave he goes down and pours himself a cup of coffee, and the coffee spills all over the floor, he slips and falls on his bum, is wife helps him up and he smiles at her, showing discolored teeth, they kiss, and she flinches at his morning breath. They kids come and try to make some coffee, the mug spills and the glass shatters as the mug hit's the floor, they all get cut and a doctor arrives on scene….

……………Right. Anyways how about for another question.

Garrow: Well… okay.

I am actually all out of ideas… so I am just going to steal one. So, are you gay.

I take that as a no.

Garrow OF COURSE I AM NOT GAY! I MARRIED A WOMAN, NAMED MARION, IF I WAS GAY I WOULD HAVE MARRIED A MAN! BUT I DIDN'T SO SHUT UP!

I see.

Now….

Garrow: NO YOU SEE, I AM TICKED AT EVERYTHING THAT HAS GONE ON THESE PAST FEW MINUTES, WHY WAS I FIRST AND… I am calm, I just lost control.

Well, thankfully for you there is only one more question.

Garrow: Oh good… what is it?

Are you REALLY of your coffee fetish?

Garrow: I… I……. NOOO! sobs I just want some coffee, I can not see straight, I …. I… am ADDICTED! Why me? I was just a little old man, and now I am addicted to something!

At least it isn't Heroin.

Garrow: But look what coffee has turned me into, look on your old stories, I am just a parson who goes

CCCCCCCCCCOOOOOOOOOFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! I NEED COFFEE, COFFEECOFFEECOFFEECOFFEE, I WANT COFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFEEEEEEEEEE!

I really do need coffee you know, I mean, sometimes I lose… control speeds up andireallydolikecoffebecauseijustlovecoffeee,coffecoffecoffe CCCOOOFFFFFFEEEEEE! I NEED CCCCCOOOOOFFFFFFFFFFEEEEEEEEEE! AUUUUGGHGGHGHJGJGJGJKRHJGKIH

COOOOFFEJKDHFIURHINEEDCOFFEEHHHKLJKLJKJCOFFEEE! OH SWEET MOTHER OF GO-

Faints

Well, that looks like the end of this months show everyone, for those of you who skipped the commercials. GLARES So, I think we should all thank the administrators, and wait….. They already left! And…. looks at the empty theater. I see one person.

Whoknows3: I liked it!

FINE!

Whoknows3 scurries out the theater, and now I am in an empty building.

I knew this wasn't going to work drags Garrow out

See you next episode, Meanies!

The credits start playing

Cast

DaAlCh……………David

Announcer………..guy in my head

Garrow……………..Garrow

Whoknows3.………Random person I picked (OR WAS IT RANDOM?)

Fan 1.……………….Freak

Fan 2.……………….Nerd

Fan 3.………………Homer Simpson

Sloan……………….Sloan

Man…………………Commercial actors…

Woman…………….Who cares

Kid………………….About

Kid 2.………………Them?

Mike………………..Guy who created site

Nick…………………Random person from Florida

Seth………………….Who?

Audience……………If you are reading this look below

RATE THIS STORY, THEN HIT REVIEW!

1 You deserve to Burn in hell.

2 Holy motha !$$&&#$!&&&($

3 Worst fanfic I eva seem, foo!

4 Not good

5 Okay, like the prequel trilogy.

6 OVER DA HILL!

7 Pretty Good

8 Like Eragon, only sexier.

9 Yur my new favorite author, lets be friends!

10 You deserve to rise to heaven.

Make a review with a number form 1 to 10, 1 being hell and 10 being heaven, and it will affect the next episode, be wise, be truthful, then it will probably be really funny!

HINT HINT!

REVIEW!

DAALCHProductions.


	2. Disclaimer

Well, Anyways, thought, I would do a disclaimer chapter, so I would not have to a disclaimer again, and to make up for last chapter's non-diclaimer ishness. So, Disclaimer:

Disclaimer: I do not own Eragon or any other characters, they belong to Christopher Paolini, not me, I just own, all the people who are not from Eragon, except, Whoknows, Mike, Seth, Nick and YOU! Everyone else belongs to me except for all the cast from Eragon, because they belong to Christopher Paolini so-

Audience: We GET IT ALREADY!

(Smiles) Oh good.

There we go, the intermission, and the disclaimer! I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Even though it wasn't a chapter but

Audience: ………………..

I'll shut up now.


End file.
